Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Biblical Case for Stay-at-home Daughterhood Part 1

If you have not yet read the first articles in the stay-at-home daughterhood article series, please click here and do so now.

For centuries, the cultural norm here in the West was for a daughter to remain under her father's roof until the time when she was given in marriage. This becomes evident through a study of history and through an observance of the books, laws, and other works produced through the ages in the countries of the West (America and the United Kingdom being especially noteworthy). These works portray the cultures of these countries as they were years ago and reflect the fact that stay-at-home daughterhood was once a popular, common-place, and even expected way of life for unmarried daughters.

For example, in Jane Austen's famous novel Emma (published in England in 1816), the central character, 21 year old Emma Woodhouse, joyfully spends her unmarried years in her father's home. She makes it clear time and again throughout the novel that she could not be happy living anywhere else, but rather delights in serving her father and caring for his needs. Likewise, we see in Pride and Prejudice (another of Miss Austen's books, this one published in 1813) that characters Mr. and Mrs. Bennet have five unmarried daughters (who range in age from 15 to 22 when the novel first begins), all of whom are living at home with their parents. This was typical! It was the norm that unmarried daughters would remain at home, caring for the needs of others, furthering their educations, etc. until the day they married. This is how family life operated at that time. Whether a family was Christian or not, during that time period, the family held to and functioned according to Biblical teachings on the subject of the role of unmarried daughters.

Changes for the Worse

This slowly began to change, however, with the advent of feminism and the "women's rights" movement. Now daughters were being told that they could not possibly be happy or productive at home (I think, however, that Emma Woodhouse proved that wrong, don't you?). Daughters began to be brainwashed into thinking that they were succumbing to a life of victimhood, slavery, and inferiority to men if they continued to live and work in their parents' homes until marriage. Slowly (at first!) but surely, daughters began to buy into these lies and in response, left their homes and families in pursuit of college educations and independent careers. Rather than delighting in the work and sphere of womanhood and diligently furthering their educations while remaining in that sphere, women began to seek the roles and responsibilities of men. Through doing so, they began to lose pieces of their distinct femininity. They began to give up the unique glories of womanhood as created by God in order to trade them in for the life of the double curse and pseudo-manhood. With the coming of the radical, militant feminism of the 1960s came an even greater reduction in the number of young women remaining at home until marriage. From the late 19th century to today, the number of stay-at-home daughters has been dramatically reduced. No longer are unmarried daughters who are joyfully and productively living at home a common sight as they once were. Instead, the rise of feminism brought with it a new occurance.

Today, following high school graduation, unmarried females are expected to leave home to pursue an independent job or college education. They are being surrendered to the world by their families, thus becoming cut off from the care, provision, authority, protection and leadership of their fathers. Young women are, in startling numbers, being shipped off to colleges, and following their college graduation, are then expected to find a home and job of their own, independent from their families and their father's roof, care and counsel. As Mr. Voddie Baucham has so truly and aptly put it, these young women are being surrendered to the wolves to fend for themselves and to take on lives as pseudo-men as soon as they reach that magical age of 18.

Many view this now common occurrence as "progress" that frees those "poor female victims" from the leadership, provision, security and protection they were under as children. Others do not hold to such a radical stance on the subject, but they, as well, support this way of life for daughters, for they view it as a way to "broaden a young woman's horizons and opportunitites".

Sadly, there is just as much confusion in Christian cirlces today regarding the roles and responsibilities of unmarried females as there is in the world. Countless Christians are so caught up (as I once was!) in the culture and its teachings that they have given little to no thought to the question of what a newly-graduated young woman should spend her time doing. They've simply bought hook, line, and sinker into the lies of this world which proclaim that the college and career lifestyle is the only acceptable one for young women. Unfortunately, they also hold to the belief that the lives of their unmarried daughters can and should look exactly the same as that of their sons, with no uniqueness between the professions and pursuits of the two genders. Very few Christians today in an age of relativism and Biblical illiteracy have the slightest idea that there may be a better way for daughters, and even fewer take the time to study God's Word to seek to discover what God Almighty has to say on this subject. After all, many hold to the idea that God does not even address this topic, but rather just leaves us to our own wisdom, plans and desires. Nothing, dear reader, could be further from the truth God has provided for us in His Word everything we need in order to live lives of godliness in Christ Jesus.

What Sayeth the Scriptures?

So if our Lord has not left us to ourselves to attempt to discover what unmarried women should be doing, just what does He, in His holy Word, say on this important issue? If we were to set aside our culture and its teachings, and we instead searched the Scriptures diligently and obeyed what we saw taught there, then which example of daughterhood would be normative for Christians? Would it be expected that daughters would be led, provided for, protected, cared for, and sheltered in their father's home until they were given in marriage? Or would it be normative for daughters to, once they turned 18, be shipped off, void of any protection whatsoever, into a dangerous, destructive, ungodly world to be educated and influenced by it? As Christians, all we have to go by in life is God's holy and inspired Word-it is unchanging and is to be our roadmap for life, being constantly obeyed and lived out daily by us. So, dear readers, I invite you to join me as I search the Scriptures for the answer to these very important and timely questions on the subject of daughterhood.

The Roles of Women and How They Pertain to Stay-at-home Daughterhood

As discovered in the previous article (entitled Beginning at the Beginning: The Lord's Beautiful Plan, Design, and Purpose for Womanhood), God fashioned woman into a being unique from man and gave to her unique roles which can be outlined as follows:

  • Women are to be helpmeets to their husbands
  • Women are to be mothers
  • Women are to be homemakers (keepers at home)
  • Women are to be under the authority, protection, and provision of men

Through studying the roles our Lord gave to women, we are provided with a glimpse of what unmarried women are to spend their time doing. In fact, the roles given to women are the very foundation upon which stay-at-home daughterhood is built. After all, what should a daughter be doing, but preparing to be a woman and to one day take on the roles and responsibilities of womanhood?

Each of the special roles God designed solely for women is directed towards her home and family-each one! Therefore, is it not clear that, in order to prepare for these roles, unmarried women should remain at home with their families? If a woman's place, according to God's Word, is in the home, then it follows that the place God desires unmarried women to be is in their homes with their families, preparing for the very roles they will be called on to fulfill when they have their own households.

For example, let us address the role of homemaker for a moment. Just as young men should prepare for the vocations, roles, and responsibilities they will have later in life, so should young women! As we would expect a man who wants to be a lawyer to attend law school (or acquire a law degree online!) or to apprentice under a lawyer, so we would expect a woman who is called to be a homemaker to prepare for that high calling. We would by no means expect a young man who desires to be a lawyer to work towards becoming a doctor! We also would have little respect for the man who desires to be a doctor, but is too busy to prepare for that vocation because he is immersed in engineering studies. Likewise, we should not expect a young woman, with a calling from God on her life to be a homemaker, to be preparing for or pursuing a different vocation. So, if God has commanded women to be homemakers (which He certainly did, as we discovered a couple weeks ago), it would make sense for them to prepare for that high calling by remaining in the best training ground and place of apprenticeship available for future homemakers-the home!

Let us now consider the role of helpmeet. This is by no means a responsibility that should be taken lightly. It cannot be fulfilled without much training, as each of us is born as a selfish human being who does not desire to truly serve, help, or strengthen others. Nor are we born knowing how to do so! These characteristics of a Biblical helpmeet must be learned and practiced. Therefore, would it not make much more Biblical sense for a young woman to remain at home with her parents, striving to help and serve them and learning to bend her will to theirs, rather than immersing herself in the college and career lifestyle, both of which provide little to no training for how to be a godly, visionary helpmeet? After all, a young woman's unmarried years are great gifts. For one thing, they prepare her for her future life as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Why, then, do so many advocate a young woman leaving home and preparing for the roles, responsibilites and vocations given to men rather than those given to women? No college or career can prepare us for the offices of helpmeet, mother, homemaker, and submissive, dependent woman. Colleges may offer classes in home economics, but no courses are offered in Godly Motherhood 101, How to be a Helpmeet, or How to Submit to Your Husband. If God desires for women to be helpmeets to their husbands, then it goes without saying that this is something a young woman should plan and prepare for, and the best place to prepare for this role is in the context of the home and family-the sphere where a married woman and helpmeet will spend the majority of her time.

Likewise, as we saw last week and are going to discover in future articles, women are to be under the protection, provision and authority of men. We see that in Numbers 30 and other passages. This, then, would also lead us to say that the place designed for unmarried young women to thrive is the home, under the protection and authority of their fathers.

If God created roles and responsibilities for women which are centered on home and family, then what makes us think that He would support and condone us when we, as young women, leave the place He has so lovingly and wisely designed for us in order to pursue plans and vocations outside the home? The home is the place designed by God for women, so would it not follow then, that this is the place unmarried and married women alike ought to be? Unmarried women are not a different kind of woman. Yes, they are unmarried. But simply because they are unmarried does not mean they are left to assume the roles of men-they are still very much women whether married or not, as marital status does not determine your gender or your roles.

Even if our Lord had not placed passages in His Word which specifically address the very subject of the God-given sphere, duties and roles of unmarried daughters (which we will see in the coming weeks He did do!), it would be clear through His teachings on the roles of women alone that unmarried daughters should remain at home under the care of their fathers. After all, a young girl is in a sense a mini-woman. She is not a man or a pseudo-man. Therefore, she is to prepare for womanhood! If a woman's place is in the home, then a young woman's is, as well.The place God has designed for unmarried women is the home-not the workforce or the dangerous college campus (this is a highly unpopular stance today, but bear with me through the remainder of this series as I appeal to the Scriptures for support of my belief in this area!).

In Conclusion

As we have seen, womankind is given the sphere of the home and family in which to operate-all her unique roles are centered on the home and family. This knowledge alone should lead us to assume that God's place for unmarried young women is also in the home with their families. However, our great God did not leave us simply with this knowledge-although it would be enough to defend stay-at-home daughterhood as a Biblical doctrine. In addition, He also placed in His Word verses pertaining to unmarried women, their roles, duties, sphere, etc. We will be studying those beginning next Friday (Lord willing). Until then, study the Word and immerse yourself in the glories of womanhood in preparation for the next few studies we will be undertaking.

God bless you, and may He use these articles to encourage you, strengthen you, and edify you in your great privileges and duties as women bought by Him (1 Cor. 6:19).


  1. Well written essay. I would definitely say that this essay contains more quality than those of women (and men) who attend institutions of higher education for 6 or more years. Continue glorifying God and his word. That is where our true foundation in education remains.

  2. Rebekah, I hope that you will prayerfully consider that, just as God made all of us unique, he has also called us to unique roles! He is not limited by our shortsighted ideas of gender responsibilities. He has been patiently teaching me for the past several years that my lack of desire for a husband (even though the whole world says that's exactly what I should want!) is from Him, and that the family I create will not be made by me, but by Him- made from the people without support in this world, those very marginalized people that Jesus himself chose for his earthly family. I had a lot of spiritual unrest in my heart before God finally prompted me to realize that, and I have had nothing but peace and anticipation for what He will do in my life ever since.
    I do still live under my father's roof even after earning an English BA (for financial reasons, not religious) but to not do so when I have the financial and career resources to move to a place of my own would mean disobeying my father. He has always encouraged me to use the gifts and love of travel that God has given me and is not so selfish to think that only he might benefit from them, or to claim he knows more than God by only allowing me to use the talents that will keep me in my father's or potential husband's house, instead of all those gifts God has graced me with.

  3. So, do you not believe in going to college?

  4. Hello again Rebekah, I had another question about Stay-at-home-daughterhood. What if you were to never marry. Would you still remain in your father's home and not work as a 40 year old woman? This topic really intrigues me. Thank you for posting articles about it for the less informed. =)

  5. Mrs. Spilde,

    Wow; you are very kind! :) I wasn't expecting a comment like that. I really appreciate your sweet words of encouragement. They were such a blessing to read!

    You're so right-true and worthwhile education comes through studying God and His Word!

    God bless you! :)

    Thank you for your input! I have a couple of things I'd like to say in response to it. :)

    First, I did not write the Bible or ordain the gender roles/responsibilities-God did. They are seen in His Word through a literal interpretation of Scripture. God, through His infinite wisdom and grace, ordained the roles of men and women, and when each fulfill them rather than trying to steal the roles of the other gender, the church, family and state all benefit greatly and run much smoother. I wouldn't say that quoting God's Word as it pertains to the roles of the genders is short-sighted. In fact, part of obeying God's Word and living out the roles He has ordained for us is the importance of seeing how our obedience (or lack thereof) will affect future generations.

    Having said that, you're certainly correct that not all women are called to be married. God has wisely ordained that some will remain unmarried throughout their days (that number is pretty rare, though!). There have been godly women throughout history who never married, but had a great family-a spiritual family (comprised of the ones who God, through their ministry, has called to Him). Unmarried women, according to 1 Cor. 7:34, have a special opportunity to serve the Lord. They have time that they can devote to unparalleled service to God and ministry to others. If God has called you to a life of being unmarried, rejoice! That, just as is the life of the married woman, is a great gift. Use it fully for God's glory and the good of others.

    The idea that the father of a stay-at-home daughter is the only one that benefits from her remaining at home is a selfish and unBiblical one. The Scriptures never teach that a daughter who is remaining at home is doing so for the sole good of her father. To think so is to misunderstand God's Word. Yes, her father should most definitely benefit from her presence in the home (as should the other members of her family), but so should others she ministers to, as well. A Biblical stay-at-home daughter is not cooped up in the home and never let outside. Instead, she is like the Prov. 31 woman, delighting in her life and home and reaching out to those who are in need.

    We should by all means use our gifts and talents fully for the glory of God and good of others-this is precisely why He gave them to us! But to think that the only way we can use these God-given gifts is through disobeying God's ordained roles would be false. God does not give us gifts that we can only use by going out from underneath the protective coverings He has blessed us with. I and many other stay-at-home daughters are using their gifts fully, in ways they could not have done if they were following the college and career lifestyle. Remaining at home rather than being busy with a job outside the home or a 4+ year college career provides the stay-at-home daughter with much time to further and use her gifts. Let's say that a girl has an interest in law, for example. Does that mean the only way she can use that gift is to become a lawyer? By no means! It may be that through her study of law, she can begin a blog or write a book revealing to others the truths of God's law, or the true intentions of our Founding Fathers when they wrote the U.S. Constitution. Or, she may marry a man who desires to be a lawyer, and her interest in law could be a great blessing to him-she could help him study for the bar exam, for example. So, just because we may have a gift that would *seem* to perhaps take us outside our homes and out from under the protection and authority of our father or husband does not mean that this is the case! We can use our God-given gifts fully; we may just simply have to cry out to Him for wisdom in how to use them Biblically!

  6. For example, your love of travel is a blessing! But does it mean that the only way you can or should use it is through travelig by yourself, unprotected, all the time? No! It may be that one day your father or husband if you do end up getting married begins a ministry that would cause you and your family to travel a good deal. You never know what the Lord has in store! :)

    If your father were to tell you to remain in his home and use your gifts there, it would not mean that he was claiming to know more than God. Numbers 30 (which I will be posting about tomorow) and other passages speak of daughters being at home. And productive and useful at that! God ordained Biblical family dynamics, as well as our gifts, and so will undoubtedly provide us with Biblical opportunities to use them.

    In my response to you, I sincerely hope I have not come across as harsh in any way! I simply wanted to encourage you and share with you my beliefs as they pertain to an unmarried woman's roles and the use of her gifts. I greatly admire your desire to obey your father and to use your unmarried years fully for Christ's glory.

    Even though I do not agree with everything you said in your comment, I'm glad that did not stop you from posting it, and pray that it won't discourage you from leaving comments in the future. I always enjoy and anticipate excitedly hearing from my readers, whether they agree with me or not.

    Thank you again for your input! :)

    P.S. I so enjoyed and appreciated your excitement and anticipation for God's will for your life. It truly is an exciting thing to be in the hands of the Almighty! :)

    Sorry I had to divide up the comments!

  7. Brooke,

    Hi! Thank you for your great questions! :) I hope this series is a blessing to you, and would be happy to hear any other questions or comments you may have.

    To answer your first questions, no, I do not believe that it's a good idea for young women to go to college and will not be attending college myself. I think young women should be highly and fully educated while remaining in the safe and secure family home. I am already preparing to post numerous posts for my series on the subject of going to college, and why I view it as a dsangerous habit (and one that can be detreimental to receiving a true high education). Please come back for those posts! :) I'll also be addressing the question of "What should a daughter do if her parents are commanding her to go to college?" Stay tuned! :)

    As to your second question, yes, if it be the Lord's will that I remain unmarried, I will remain in my father's home. I know of a very godly, productive, wonderful woman who is still at home at the age of 33. She has a great stay-at-home daughterhood ministry, and will be featured in the interview section of this series. For centuries, it was normal for an unmarried woman, no matter her age, to remain at home with her family or to transfer to the home of another relative if something happened to her parents.

    So, yes, I'll continue to live and work at home even if I do not get married (or don't get married until a later age than most), striving to serve those around me increasingly better each day.

    Thanks again for your questions! :) It was nice to hear from you.

    Have a great week,

    P.S. I wouldn't say that just because I live at home, I don't work. Many consider working in the workplace as work, whereas if you're at home, you're not really working. I don't agree. I, and many other stay-at-home daughters, have a home-business, and work in other capacities here at home.

  8. Thank you Rebekah! I will stay-tuned for sure. I actually visit your blog whenever I am on the computer since I learned about it. I can't wait for the next article.

  9. You're welcome, Brooke! :)

    Thank you for reading my blog so faithfully! I pray that the Lord would use it mightily in your life. If there's anything else I can help you with, or there's a topic you would like to see addressed in a post, let me know! :)


  10. Hi Rebekah,

    It's so nice that you carefully respond to everyone's comments! I am enjoying reading your blog and learning more about your lifestyle (since I grew up in a very different environment).

    I am wondering about your comments though. You say that women's most important role is to prepare to be a helpmeet to their husband. I am married and I agree that it is very important: actually, since I am not working outside the home (and we don't have children yet), it's what I do all day long. But I can't agree about your views on college.

    I think in marriage emotional and intellectual support is really the main function of a wife. If your husband is educated, and you aren't, you will be a burden to him. Think of the miserable marriage of the Bennetts in Pride and Prejudice for an example.

    My husband is in graduate school right now getting his PhD and depends on me to support him (though not financially). While of course some of what I do is cleaning, laundry, etc., most of it is discussing his research with him, editing his papers, and so on. If I wasn't educated, I would be completely useless as a helpmeet. And while you can study at home, if I hadn't gone to college I wouldn't know how to write a research paper, think in a scientific (in the broader sense) way, or understand the social setup of college (as in how one is supposed to behave with professors, what the expectations are, etc.). So if you are planning to marry a educated husband, I think a college education is essential.

  11. Hi, AB! I'm so happy to see that you came back and are reading more. What a blessing; I hope this blog ministers to you in a special way.

    I agree 100% with you that to be a true, fully functioning, Biblical helpmeet, one needs to be highly educated. That is not to say that a woman who has little to no education can not help her husband in a myriad of ways; she can! But just as Abigail Adams said, an education is so important and is helpful (and crucial, at times!) when caring for one's family and home.

    So, I couldn't agree more that women need to be highly educated, and that to not be could very well be a great drain on one's husband, especially if he is highly educated and has great missions and vision in life and needs a wife who will help him in those endeavors.

    However, I disagree that college is the only or best way to get that education. I'll be sharing more of that in future articles, but I do want to address that subject briefly here, as well. Many colleges offer educations that are revisionist (such as revisionist history, etc.). This is not helpful for the one who wants to acquire a high education that is a true one, and not filled with falsehoods. Secondly, many of the men and women of the past (including some of our presidents) were self-educated and highly educated at that. Abigail Adams, for example, was (and is to this day) known for being a very erudite and learned woman. She did not have to go off to college, however, to acquire this learning. She was educated at home by her mother and was exposed to her father's extensive library, thus acquiring a deep education (an education which served her greatly when she was a helpmeet to her husband and he would write her letters inquiring as to her views on different political issues that were raging in that day; an education which allowed her to not only know of the issues and form an educated view, but one which allowed her to express herself well).

    In fact, I would even say, for myself, that my education is highly important to me. I view it as a great tool to use throughout life as I seek to obey the Great Commission and Dominion Mandate. I believe that all women should be highly educated. And this is precisely one of the reasons why I will not be going to college. I may take a class here or there online, but I will not be attending college. For one thing, on my own, I can learn much more in a smaller period of time than would be possible at college. Secondly, there are areas of the college education which I've already learned (for example, my aunt is currently seeking to acquire a degree in nursing, and about a year ago was doing her math work with some help from my mom, as she doesn't like math; well, the math she was doing was math I had done 3 years ago in homeschool). I'm not saying this to toot my own horn or anything like that, so please don't misunderstand me! :) I'm simply saying that I don't, personally, want to waste my time seeking a college degree when some of the things I'd be studying have already been covered in my secondary education.

  12. At home, (especially with the advent of the internet! :) ), one can learn just about anything that suits his fancy. I learned how to write a research paper, for example, in my Grammar and Composition books. My dear friends the Botkin sisters had the equivalent of college educations when they were 15 and 17 respectively. Another mentor of mine, Mrs. Crystal Paine, married a man who was interested in going into law. While he was studying, she was studying at home, as well, which led to her getting a law liscence (I don't remember precisely what it was called). She did this at home, yet was highly educated in this area and was able to help him immensely when he was going through his classes and exams. Likewise, my mom helped Daddy greatly when he was studying to become an opthalmic technician. He brought home a bunch of books, she studied them as well, and they had great discussions. She was able to quiz him and help in so many ways. So, while I agree that a high education is so very important, I don't believe that the only or best way to get that education is at college.

    I do, however, respect where you're coming from, and want you to always feel comfortable to share your thoughts! I appreciate you being so willing to hear mine, as well. :)

    God bless!

    P.S. Sorry I had to divide my comments!

  13. Hi Rebekah,

    What is most valuable in a college education is not the specific knowledge that you learn (which you very rightly point out that you could study more efficiently at home) but learning a new way to think and solve problems. This is very difficult to do without extensive exposure to those who already know how to do it. The other problem with studying at home is that it tends to be limited, since you can only study topics which you are aware of, while in college you will be exposed to ideas that you have never heard of before. Some will be incongenial (revisionist history), but many more will be interesting and some will be a revelation (why didn't I ever think of that?!). I don't think college is for everyone, though, because many people aren't interested in ideas or in intellectual breadth: which is perfectly fine!

    My larger point was that to be a helpmeet, it's been my experience that you really need to be as similar to your husband as possible (especially since you are always going to be different genders!). So if he is college-educated, you should be too; if he likes travel, you should like travel; your values and interests should be the same. (Not that you give up all of your identity, rather you select each other for similarity). That's why I was worrying about your advice to stay at home in order to be a good wife, since if most of your interests are home-based (cooking, sewing, child-raising), it's going to be really difficult to find a husband with similar interests. If your interests and values aren't aligned, it dramatically decreases your chances of a happy marriage, and your husband won't feel supported or understood.

  14. Where is your scripture reference? Numbers 30, but last time I checked, Christians don't follow much of the OT law. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a daughter staying home if that is what she and her family wish, but to go as so far as to say that is God's plan for every woman, I think you (and others who think like you) are taking your personal conviction and wanting them to be biblical.

    I also have to agree with Rebecca on college. It's not for everyone, but it is for some of us. Also, not all of us are going to get married. It's one thing to write about staying at home as a teenager, but what about a 35 year old unmarried woman? Are going to counsel her the same way?

  15. You also mention your aunt who is studying to be a nurse...surely she is not taking her nurse's training by distance learning? (

  16. Hello, Amanda! Thank you for leaving your thoughts! :)

    First of all, I do not agree that the scope of home education is limited. Far from it! As I expressed in previous comments, I know of many people (both of history and some living today) who have acquired an education that far surpasses that offered at college (and in a shorter amount of time!). If you're willing to do some work and to really do want it takes to educate yourself, then there is simply no limit to what you can learn. For example, I was able to complete my highschool chemistry course entirely at home. Problem solving is just one of the areas of education which can be learned and practiced at home.

    Furthermore, Lincoln, for example, did not have exposure, so to speak, to those with a higher, more collegian education than his own. He (though there are areas I disagree with him) was a very highly educated man who acquired his education through the reading of books. This was the case for the vast majority of men and women in America (and elsewhere) for centuries. I would even go so far as to say that many of them were far better educated than many of today's college graduates.

    I'm not saying that you can't learn at college; you can! However, I believe (through experience, the study of history, and the testimony of others) that the education one can receive at home far surpasses much of what you can receive at college.

    You spoke of learning new ideas at college. That is certainly true. However, many of them are false, unBiblical ideas (i.e. evolution, socialism, humanism, and the list goes on). They are not ideas which the Christian needs to or should learn. Yes, they need to be aware that they exist and know how to combat them with the truths of God's Word, but they do not need to go to college and learn these ideas. Not all the ideas taught at college are false and destructive, but many are.

    Also, you spoke of some not being interested in college, for they have no desire for intellectual breadth. I hope I'm not misunderstanding you, but you seem to be implying that those who forsake the college route are not interested in strethching intellectually. I think this is a disrespectful and false notion. It's disrespectful to those who (like myself and some of the people I've mentioned) have chosen not to go to college for the express reason that we value our educations highly and want to stretch ourselves intellectually. Some people are indeed lazy couch-potatoes, if you will, who are not interested in furthering their education and reveal this through their lack of pursuing any path to higher education. However, I know many precious and godly women who chose to not go to college and who are better educated because of it.

  17. I completely agree with the importance you place on being equally yoked together. That is so crucial. God places a high importance on this! However, I do not think that a husband and wife have to have all their interests, level of education, etc. exactly alike. I do think they need to try to adapt to one another, out of love and respect. However, if a wife is not an outdoors type of person and a husband is, that doesn't mean that the marriage is doomed to fail. One thing I would point out, also, is that marriages were much happier and long lasting back when men and women lived out their respective roles and didn't try to usurp and take over the roles of the opposite sex. Today, over 50% of marriages end in divorce-in an age when women are trying to be more like men. God created men and women differently and gave them unique roles; He is our all-wise Creator, and it is only when we fulfill our roles as He as commanded that our marriages will be truly happy, strong, and long-lasting.

    As to having the same level of education, this is most definitely helpful. I'm sure it would be rather frustrating to marry someone who was not as highly educated as yourself. However, in order to be a true helpmeet to a highly educated man, a woman need not go to college. Take the example of the Baucham family. Mr. Voddie Baucham once said that while he has more degrees than a thermometer (he is a Phd with degress from various prestigious universities), his daughter (who was 17 when he made this comment and who had never gone to college) was much better educated now than he was when he first graduated from these various schools. So, a Phd level (and higher) education is by all means available at home.

    Thank you again so much for your input. It was nice to hear from you, and I hope to be able to converse with you more in the future. Thank you for allowing me to express my beliefs on this subject.

    God bless,

  18. Anonymous,

    Thank you for your comments; I appreciate it when my readers leave their thoughts.

    First, my aunt did complete many of her nursing classes online. Not all (she doesn't hold to our beliefs, for one thing), of course, but many.

    Did you read my article on Numbers 30? If not, here is a direct link to it:

    I encourage you to read it, as I address your concerns with OT law. Also, fellow Christians are not our standard. Sadly, many professing Chrstians are way off base; none of us are perfect. Whether or not a Christian obeys aspects of God's law does not dictate whether or not we should obey His law. Only His Word can dictate to us what we are to do. The professing church has been so blinded these days by false and vain philosophies (something the Apostle Paul warned us about in Colossians). So, whether or not we are to obey a certain aspect of OT law can only be determined through diligent Bible study-not through observation of what others are doing.

    Also, some seek to abolish Numbers 30 through the proclamation of Matthew 5:33-37, where Jesus says, "33Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths: 34But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne: 35Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. 36Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. 37But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil."

    This is an often misunderstood text, but one of rich theology. Through studying, first and foremost, the Scriptures, and secondly, by benefiting from great Christian commentaries, the meaning of this text becomes clear. Jesus is not saying it is sinful to make vows and oaths. If this were His meaning, then He would be calling His father sinful, for God swore and made oaths many times (for example, Gen. 22:16-17, Heb. 6:13-14, Ps. 89:3, 49; Ps. 110:4, Jer. 11:5, Luke 1:73). The OT law allowed the making of oaths and vows, and many OT saints made vows and oaths. Clearly, therefore, Jesus is not saying that it is wrong to vow. He is admonishing us to be careful how we do so! We are to vow in His name, not by earth, etc. He is forbidding (as Eccl. 5:4-5 does) us from taking rash vows and oaths. He is commanding us to be faithful to what we've vowed, and to not take vows lightly. He is not forbidding the giving of oaths and vows, or in any way negating Numbers 30.

    As to older single women remainging at home, I am friends with a 33 year old stay-at-home daughter who has a great ministry online and who is so very productive (she'll be joining us via interview near the end of this series). To say otherwise would be to deny the facts. For centuries, it was normal for unmarried women (regardless of age!) to live with their families. If their parents died, they moved in with an older brother or some other relative. They were never unprotected and alone. In Bible times and later, we see older single women living at home. Are we going to say that they wasted their lives at home? I would surely hope not. Rather, the very contrary is true-these older women were quite productive at home for Christ's Kingdom. So, yes, I would definitely encourage older women to be "stay-at-home daughters". This is what the Scriptures set forth as normative and is God's design. Being older does not make you less of a woman and more like a man and thus open up a man's roles and responsibilities to you. Regardless of age, we are women and as women bought by Christ, are to live according to His Word and His plan for women.

    I so appreciate your input, and hope to hear from you more in the future.

    Thanks for reading,

  19. Like I stated on one of your other posts, the idea of SAHDs has always been the one of wealthy people. There has never been a time where poor people didn't send their daughters out of the home to earn money. The books you mentioned are all about relatively wealthy people, not their servants. In Victorian England, the average age of the full-time domestic servant was 13. And most often these girls were taken far from home since the employers thought that would help cut down on the spreading of gossip. In the 1871 census, there were 710 full-time "nurses" who were under the age of 10! In the late 1800's many women and young girls worked in factories. During the pioneer times, young teenagers would travel hundreds of miles to be teachers, sometimes never getting to go back home. I do not like the current trend of Fundamental Christians that romanticizes the past and trying to pretend that all women were SAHDs until the 60's. Even the Bible has a woman judge listed, and not in a way that makes it seem like she was sinning.

  20. Hi, Layla! Yes, I read that comment and responded to it. I'll paste that response here, in case you don't see it on the other post:

    Hi, Layla! Thank you for your input, as well!

    However, I must disagree with your stance that stay-at-home daughterhood was only the norm for the very wealthy. Take the real to life book "Little Women", for example. This was an account (largely based upon Alcott's own family) of a very poor family that was comprised of stay-at-home daughters (even Jo ended up coming back home and remaining there
    until she married). Likewise, the daughters in "Pride and Prejudice" were from a relatively poor family, as well.

    Also, working outside the home does not keep a daughter from being a stay-at-home daughter. A stay-at-home daughter is one who remains at home with her family until marriage. Therefore, many of those daughters who worked outside the home during those years were nonetheless stay-at-home daughters.

    Also, having daughters find ways to bring in money often did not include sending them into the workforce. Many wives and daughters operated as the Prov. 31 woman, having various home businesses to help support the family. This can be illustrated through Mrs. Ingalls.

    Following the Industrial Revolution, women did go to work in factories. My great-grandmother worked in a factory during WWII. However, the existance of women who worked outside the home does not negate the historical fact that stay-at-home daughterhood was the cultural norm for centuries here in America. Even the existance of some daughters leaving home prior to marriage does not negate the fact that the norm was still for daughters to remain at home until marriage. Down through history since the beginning of time, there have been women who did not practice stay-at-home daughterhood or stay-at-home wifehood, so to speak. Consider these words of Johm MacArthur as written in his book Different by Design: Discovering God's Will for Today's Man and Woman, "The Corinthian church faced the same problem as the contemporary church: a misunderstanding of male/female roles and relationships. Their confusion resulted from various feminist movements rampant in the Roman Empire during New Testament times. In Corinth, women demanded the same treatment as men. Similar to many women today, they regarded marriage and the raising of children as unjust restrictions of their rights. They resented bearing children for fear it would spoil their looks. Asserting their independence, they left husbands and homes, refused to care for the children they did have, lived with other men, demanded jobs traditionally held by men, wore men's clothing and hairstyles, and discarded all signs of femininity." So, you see, women (unmarried and otherwise) not remaining at home did occur in Bible times and has occured since. However, the norm for many years was nonetheless for daughters to remain at home until marriage and wives to work at home rather than in the workforce. There were indeed women who worked outside the home in the 1940s. However, the norm was for women to work at home, which is why radical feminist Betty Friedan wrote her book "The Feminine Mystique", trying to get women out of the home and into the workforce.

    Yes, Laura Ingalls was a teacher. However, not too long before that, the vast majority of teachers were men. In the 1840s, feminism began to influence America and things began to change bit by bit.

    Thank you for your input, Layla! :)



  21. You realize that the women in Jane Austen books were not poor right? In Colonial America (See Albion's Seed)women owned many businesses and poor women have always had to work. Women on farms have sold eggs and butter to supplement the family income. Milliners owned shops. Charwomen (which the Bennets enjoyed) left their homes to clean other homes. And of course the unfortunate spinsters became governesses if they didn't work making lace or being the companion for a wealthy person. Were these women less Godly?

  22. "Today, following high school graduation, unmarried females are expected to leave home to pursue an independent job or college education. "

    What leads you to make a blanket statement like that?! I expect my daughters to have goals after high school, like my oldest who worked for one year and then attended a LOCAL college for 2 years before being married, but we never EVER said to them they must leave home to do that! We prayed for them and we expected the Holy Spirit to lead them in their decisions. And we were so happy when they WILLINGLY asked us for our advice and guidance.

  23. Do you doubt God's will working through the skill of a surgeon, even if she is female?

  24. I came across your blog and I am a bit curious about your thoughts on female doctors which provide modesty and allow your husband to be the only one to see your "lady parts". Do you believe that a women can be a boss in a business such as having male employees below her? I am leaving for college in August but I am thinking about returning home or moving on a neighboring property because I do feel that we should be under our parents authority. I am not sure yet though because my father is hardly home-he works in the oilfield industry.


Hi!! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! Please come back often. Thank you for your comment as well; your input is always most welcome! Even if you disagree with something, I encourage you to leave a comment; I just ask that you do so in a loving and Christ-like manner.

God bless you!

~Rebekah S.